This brings the question of how should you handle sad things. If sad things are a part of life, why does it seem some handle life a little better than others? The key lies within the perspective you give the events in your life. When sad things happen to you or someone you know, what do you tell yourself? If you speak negatively to yourself and internalize the event, then you are only going to make things worse. When you tell yourself “you always mess up“ or “you deserve this bad thing to happen in your life“, you turn yourself into the victim. Do not allow sad things in your life become your life. Instead, assign the blame outside of yourself.[1] Tell yourself things like, “this could have happened to anyone“ or “things could have been much worse.“ This subtle shift in mindset enables you to bounce back much quicker. This is because you are no longer assigning your self-value based on the events in your life. It is never fun to blame yourself for things you could not control. That is why it is better to focus what you can control; things like your attitude, reaction, and mindset when you are sad. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try to focus on what went right. It is rare that everything goes wrong. Even though you may feel that way in the moment, if you take a moment to assess the situation, you will realize there is always something to be grateful about. Here’s how to give these sad things meaning and learn to be grateful about them:
1. Death of a Parent
The death of a loved one is always difficult, especially your parent. They have mentored, cared and given you the best years of their life. They believed in you when others doubted you and they were always your biggest fan. It feels like there is a void that will never be filled. Keep in mind that the beauty of life is the fact that it ends. That is what make how we live each day so important. One of the cool things about a funeral is all the stories you get to hear about the person. It is a reminder that they were human just like you. They had dreams, aspirations, and fears. Funerals should be focused on celebrating the life more than mourning the death.
2. Being Diagnosed with a Disease
You are sitting in the doctor’s office. You have not been feeling well over the past couple weeks and assume it is nothing big. You probably went to the doctor just to be on the safe side. The doctor sends you home and says they will call in the week with the results. A few days later, you get the call from the doctor’s office and find out you have a serious disease. This can feel like a punch to the gut. You went from feeling invincible to feeling like your life will never be the same. Whenever you have the ability to know what is going on inside of you, think of it as a blessing. Your body is designed to signal to you when things are not working at optimum levels. Another way of thinking about this is if you could not feel the burning oven, you would not know to move your hand and could end up losing it. The same goes for when you are diagnosed with a disease. You now have the knowledge to make changes in your life.
3. Ending a Marriage
Change is one of the few guarantees you have in life. Overtime, partners can grow closer together or they can grow further apart. While divorce is not something to be taken lightly, neither is staying together. Marriage is where two people with different backgrounds, beliefs and feelings come together to create a new person. This person should be balanced, compassionate, and considerate of their spouse. It is hard to end a relationship that was supposed to last forever. However, staying in an abusive or toxic relationship is not good for your health. In some situations, it would be better to live alone than it would be to stay with your spouse. It is never a failure to make the best decision with the best information you have available. If the information that resulted in your marriage were to drastically change over time, then there is nothing wrong with admitting that divorce is a reasonable conclusion.
4. Losing Your Job
Losing your job is a tough one because of the amount of time you spend at work. Outside of sleeping, most people spend the majority of their life at work. This causes the loss of job to feel like failure and a loss of identify. Not to mention a lack of income to cover your lifestyle. While this may be the case for many, losing your job may be the opportunity you need to chase your dream life. Each of us have settled at some point in our life and we look for a sign that we should strive for something more. If you find yourself performing well at your work and you were fired for a reason you were not aware of, then it might be a sign you were not meant to be there.
5. Children Moving Away
As you age, the sad things in your life will transform as well. You have spent the better part of twenty years raising your kids to be upstanding adults. It never seemed as if they would ever grow up, but somehow they have. They not only want to move out of the house, but they want to move out of the state or country. In this moment, you realize your relationship with your children is never going to be the same again. Much like losing your job, you have devoted so much time over the last few decades into raising your children. The idea that they “don’t need you” is a sad thing many parents have to endure. While it may not feel this way all the time, it is actually a time to celebrate. For your children to have the option to move away from home, it means you have set them up for success. You have taught them how to be independent and courageous individuals. The truth is, you do not really want them to live with you forever. You are nervous about the uncertainty and change in your life, but you are excited to see what your children make of their own. Here’re some tips to help you cope with this: How to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome and Be Happy Again
6. Failed Business Venture
You had a vision and took a leap of faith. You invested half of your retirement into starting a business. You feel the business will work as long as you do not give up. As a result, you continue to pour additional resources into your failing business. When you are out of money and the bills are mounting, you are left with no other option than to close up the shop. This feeling can be one of the toughest times in your life. Not only do you find yourself with a failed company, but no money for your retirement. It is unfortunate that so many people look at failure as a bad thing. Failure is actually a very good thing. Failure means you have taken a risk and learned something you can only learn by taking action. This information could be the missing piece to your next successful business venture. If it is not, you at least get to live with the peace of mind that you went for it. Too often, people find themselves playing it safe and end up with a life filled with regret. By taking risks and allowing yourself to fail, it is less likely you will have a feeling of regret later in life.[2].
7. Not Performing Your Best on the Big Stage
People tend to believe they only have one opportunity on the big stage and when it is gone, it is gone forever. While the circumstances may not be the exact same, you will always have another opportunity. Life provides you with the amazing ability to learn and grow from your experiences. If you feel you were not well prepared for the event, this experience will ensure you that there will be the next time. This is often the case when people talk about sporting events. The team that has been the Super Bowl or the World Series before usually is given the edge when the talent of the two teams is similar. By having experienced the big game already, they know what the moment feels like and can prepare accordingly.
8. Investment Didn’t Work
You thought you found the next big thing and poured your entire fortune into this project only to find out the CEO was a crook and ran off with the money. Sounds crazy? Of course it does. However, things like this happen more often than we like to realize. Whether you are talking about a Ponzi or pyramid scheme, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. You need to do your research and make sure you are not looking for a get-rich quick scheme. The good news is, money is something you can always replenish. Money is not as precious as time. Time is something you cannot get back.
9. Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
It is a sad thing when you love someone and they don’t love you back. The best thing you can do it is to admit your feelings and see how they feel. You may discover they feel the same way, but you may also discover they do not see you that way. The best thing that can happen is for you to have the chance to know how they feel, so you can determine if you want to continue to pursue them. The worst thing that can happen is you never tell someone how you feel and they never tell you how they feel. Then you are living a life of stagnation. You do not have the closure needed to move on and you may find yourself alone and full of regret. By telling someone you love them and finding out they are not interested in you, you are free (in-time) to move and find someone who completes you.
10. Ruined a Relationship
Similar to a marriage, if your relationship with a close friend or family member grows apart, you should take a moment to understand the cause. If you were in high school together and one of you moved away to attend college and the other stayed in town, then geography and interest have driven you apart. If you are married with children and your friend is single and ready to mingle, then it stands to reason that your relationship may strain. The best thing you can do in any situation is be as authentic and honest as possible. You never want to maintain a relationship by forcing yourself to be something that you are not. By being your authentic self, you will always draw people with similar passions to you and repel those who have a lack of interest. There’re also more lessons to learn from a failed relationship: 8 Important Lessons You Can Learn from a Failed Marriage
11. Abandoned as a Child
The feeling of rejection is one of the most difficult feelings to grapple. It is why people fear public speaking more than they fear death. The fear of rejection is also why people hate cold calling and dislike sales in general. Everyone likes to feel wanted and accepted for who they are. When your parents abandoned you early in your life, it is something that many people cannot overcome. While the result may not have been what you would have done, consider the possibility that you were raised in a better environment than your parents would have provided. If that was not the case, your children will benefit by your promise to never abandon them. Sometimes sad things happened in our life and there is nothing we could have done about it. Yet, the experience enables you to understand the importance of shielding your children from the feeling of abandonment.
12. No Luck Having Kids
You grew up in a big family and your dream is to have a big family of your own. As you have noticed with the sad things we have discussed so far, life does not always go as we plan. Having difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a baby to full-term is tough on everyone. The good news is there are a lot of kids in the world who need your love. Whether you travel down the road of adoption, or you choose to volunteer your time as a mentor. You still have the ability to significantly impact the life of a child and they will love you for it.
Final Thoughts
There is nothing anyone can do to avoid sad things occurring in their life. Sad things are going to happen whether you are chasing your dreams or playing it safe. The best thing you can do is to give yourself the opportunity to live your dream life by taking risks. These risks may not always work out as you intended, but they will always place you exactly where you need to be. As I always say, be content in results, not complacent in effort. As long as you did your best, you can be grateful for the experiences, no matter where they take you.
More to Be Grateful For
32 Things You Should Be Grateful For 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude How a Gratitude Journal and Positive Affirmations Can Change Your Life
Featured photo credit: Maria Oswalt via unsplash.com
